What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 27.06.2025 10:17
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
These four metro Atlanta Kroger stores are among those closing in the coming months - 11Alive.com
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Comes on , in middle age.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Circle IPO soars, giving hope to more startups waiting to go public - TechCrunch
Where the ultimate outsiders.
One cannot live in the past .
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Are infrared sauna blankets safe to use at home?
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
(And it was in our own minds.)
Watch ULA launch Amazon's 2nd batch of Kuiper internet satellites today - Space
I think the readers, may guess!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I was scared of men, in general
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I was seconnd youngest,
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
NASA Is Planning to Build a Massive Telescope on the Moon’s Dark Side - The Daily Galaxy
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
What did i know ?
What emerging digital marketing tools should marketers watch?
I was 9 years of age.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Cocaine Sharks: The Disturbing Discovery That’s Shaking Marine Research - Indian Defence Review
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Fiery Orange Gems From The Moon Reveal Secrets of Its Violent Past - ScienceAlert
Would this be the day?
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Who is the dumbest law enforcement officer you have ever encountered?
Why did i forgive my father ?
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
When she asked me how she looked .
But, we were locked up after school.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Im still living with it.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
So, i spoilt her more .
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Especially a lifetime of it.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
She loved him until the end.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
We were not on the streets..
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I couldn’t, believe it.
She was in good health!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
She wouldn,t have been !
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I will be 64.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Was to survive, this bastard.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
She found it foreign!.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
My family never makes their pension either.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Ive learnt so much.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
This is soul school!.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I never cut or harmed myself..
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
All the time i was locked up.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
She married twice! .
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
And i lived it daily.
I don,t even have a pension.
I said to her
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Who then, do I blame.?
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
My life is so biszare .
Put me off passion for life!!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I have no regrets .
He resisted the act ,that day.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
It was going to be , some day.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I waited trembling.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
He was dying to do it , i knew.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
He knew the spot.
We all went to grammer schools
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I was very sick at this time too.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
But it wasn’t much.
I write beautiful poetry .
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
So whats the point in blame.